


salvia plath

by DonutDemon30



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: BPD, Borderline Personality Disorder, Dissociation, F/F, Implied Sexual Content, Self-Harm, Song fic, actually has nothing to do with the drug, idk - Freeform, might do a part 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2016-10-03
Packaged: 2018-08-19 06:42:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8194136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DonutDemon30/pseuds/DonutDemon30
Summary: You said you hate yourselfSo let me feed you strawberriesOff a plate I bought from a widowWho was selling her husbands thingsAnd we'll see if you still hate yourself
If you still hate yourselfI'll eat you out for an hour in your roomCause I love giving head





	

**Author's Note:**

> song its based on-  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iIdjev2jo2U

A knock at her door makes her drop the piece of metal in her hand. It lands on her wrists that’s starting to overflow with blood. “Shit.” is all she can say, shoving the blade under her pillow and reaching for a tissue to clean up the blood with. Before she can wipe the crimson liquid away, the door opens and Sheena walks in, her eyes immediately meeting hers.

“Pearl.” The larger women comes to sit Pearl’s bed with her, she gently takes her hand. Pearl bursts into tears. She’s sobbing. She hadn’t even actually realized what she was doing until now. It just happened.

“I’m sorry-”

“It’s okay…” Sheena pulls her into her lap and pulls Pearl’s sleeves down. “Dissociated and did it again?” She asks, beginning to rock her. Pearl closes her eyes and nods. Sheena was the only one who knew about this part of her dissociation. Sure, her friends know that she ‘zones out’ sometimes when she starts thinking too much. But Sheena was the only person she told that she had BPD.

Once her cries simmer down, she finds herself whispering. “I hate myself.”

Sheena blinks a few times. “I’ll be back.” She lays Pearl down and kisses her head while reaching under her pillow and grabbing the blade. She always puts it there.

Pearl watches her girlfriend leave the room, leaving the door open. Pearl fights the urge to get up and close it. It feels like an itch that won’t go away. But the longer she stares at it, the more she finds it’s okay. Sheena will be back and that’s why she left if open. It’s just convenient that way. She stares at the yellow light coming from the hallway that’s shining into her room. The way it breaks through the shadow. Then there’s a new shadow coming in and it’s Sheena, she turns on the light and finally closes the door. She sits on the bed again and Pearl sits up. She had brought in a plate of strawberries. The one food Pearl would eat without complaint.

Sheena had cut the fruit into fourths, as even as she could without taking too long. Pearl had taken note of it. The larger women scoots to sit next to her, Pearl being closest to the wall and holds a piece in front of her lips. Pearl looks to her and Sheena opens her mouth as if saying ‘open up, nerd’. So she does and Sheena feeds her the strawberries. They’re silent for a bit, just feeding her. But Pearl can’t be silent around her for too long.

“Why are we doing this?” She finally asks the question that had been in her head for a while now.

“You said you hate yourself. Let’s see if you hate yourself after this.” Sheena replies simply.

Pearl thinks for a moment. “Those don’t corroborate though.”

Sheena smiles and rolls her eyes. “Let me try at least.” 

“Okay.” Pearl says and opens her mouth again when Sheena offers her another one.

The pink haired women studies her face for a moment then looks down to the plate in her lap. “Wanna know where I got this plate?”

Pearl thinks it’s an odd question but nods her head anyway. They’ve ran out of strawberries.

“Before I started school, I was super poor. I still am. But anyway, I was just going to garage sales every weekend, trying to get stuff for my place. And I was at one that an old lady was running. Well, her kids were doing it for her, but she was there. Anyway, I was there looking at plates and bowls and shit because I hadn’t gotten any yet and this lady who looks like she’s about to die comes to the table and is looking super sad. So I was like ‘what’s wrong?’ She told me that she lived there and her husband had just died from heart complications. And I was like oh shit what did I just walk into? But before I could be like ‘sorry for your loss’ she told me that the stuff I was looking at was a China kit they got for their wedding. Which made me feel bad and like I was doing a bad thing by buying something that was already for sale. So I only bought one. This one.”

Pearl stares at her while she tells the story and she can’t help but be confused by the end. Why would she tell her this sad story now?

Sheena sets the plate on the ground. “I don’t like using that one. I think of her skeleton hands every time I do.” She sighs. “That lady is probably dead now.”

“That didn’t help.” Pearl winces, that came out a bit harsher than she intended. “I mean-” She’s about to correct her wrongs but Sheena waves it off.

“Eh, it was more of a distraction tactic I guess. But if that didn’t work then we can figure something else out.” Sheena wraps an arm around her and Pearl relaxes a bit and snuggles into her figure, ignoring a voice saying she feels similar to Rose. She’s gotten better at quieting that voice. She’s gotten a lot better since started opening up to Sheena. How cliche.

“Well heres something.” Sheena announces, looking down at Pearl. “I could eat you out for like, an hour.”

Pearl blushes but doesn’t care to hide her face. Only slightly ashamed to find that would probably make her feel better. She finds some dignity and decides to not give in immediately. “Why?”

“To prove how much I love you. How much I love your body and your voice. How much I love you as a person. To prove that you’re beautiful. That you’re absolutely perfect to me. And if I love you, maybe you’ll see that you’re capable of love and that you should love yourself.” 

Pearl can almost swear she sees a blush form on her girlfriends cheeks but she swears her own face is even redder. She wasn’t expecting that. Not at all. She was expecting more of a ‘because I love giving head’ type of thing. Apparently not.

“O-okay. We can. It would probably work.” Pearl finds herself with a half smile.

**Author's Note:**

> it got kinda lazy at the end sorry


End file.
